I Need a Break!

It's funny to me that as soon as I decided to make this a project for my friends and family, my babysitter went on a perpetual vacation and is still not back. I have been trying for over a month now to find a new sitter, but I've had no luck. This weekend though I finally heard back from a girl that sat for a friend of mine. She's away too, but she'll be back in a few days. I can't wait to meet her and put her to work immediately! I think about the project and being a pampered princess all the time, and sometimes I find myself just settling for what I can get instead of what I really want in life. I have been noticing how much I don't ask for what I want. I wish for it, hope for it, hint about it and sometimes even demand it, but I rarely just ask. I guess because there's always a chance that I'll hear "no." But so what? Why is it so hard to hear a no? It doesn't stop my 2-year-old from asking again, so why should it stop me. From now on, when I want something, I'm just going to ask for it. What are you taking on this week?

Feeding My Family = Love

I love to cook, but I rarely get to do it. I do prepare three meals everyday, but they don't count as "cooking" in my book. This past Sunday I got to prepare a yummy meal for our extended family. I spent hours in the kitchen and was in absolute heaven while I peeled potatoes, simmered green beans and made miniature meat loaves. For me, cooking is relaxing - almost a meditation, and to serve that food to the people I love makes me truly happy. While I was preparing this meal, I kept acknowledging to myself that this is something I love to do and rarely make time for, and I actually thought about taking a picture when it was all done to post on the blog. However, by the time the food was ready there were two very young children who were not interested in waiting for mommy to find the camera (and the memory card) and so you'll just have to use your imagination to picture how it all turned out. Two girls from our play group just had babies, and I signed up to bring them dinner, so I'm looking forward to some more opportunities to take time for something that truly brings me pleasure.

Padded Princess

So the lactation factory (which closed for business a month ago) is officially shut down. I decided to spend my free hours today - today is the first day Lauren is with the nanny at our friends house - shopping. Bra shopping. What I really wanted was a racer back bra to wear with tank tops. What I realized in the dressing room mirror is that it is possible for A cups to sag. Boo hoo. I know that there are large breasted women (even relatives of mine!) on this blog, so I'm not trying to open a flood gate of how much worse it is to have large breasts post nursing. I bet it is worse. At any rate, I bought three new bras in my "padded princess" mindset! Oh and somehow, two new shirts made it into my cart too :) Trying things on the dressing room without having to worry about your toddler crawling into the next booth = priceless!

Step One- Self give to self

I decided to cancel the gym membership where I am currently enrolled. This gym is actually a family oriented club with a restaurant, kids pool, grass, Friday night BBQ's. Sounds great right? I pay for the membership and my boyfriend, Dylan and my 12 year old daughter Kyla, and I go and "hang-out" there, swim a little, eat a lot and lounge. I joined the gym to get into shape! I decided to stop taking care of everyone else in this area and am looking into other gyms that are more appealing to me as far as the "work-out" environment goes.

Stay tuned.

I have two children Vivien, 7 and Max, 5. At this age it's pretty easy to take time to myself. I work from home writing for Stretching Canvas and International Tattoo Art Magazines, run an art gallery called Big Car. This fall I'm going back to school for nursing at University of Indianapolis. 

The first 4 years of having children were difficult. Vivien was colicky and I don't think I ever put her down. As a matter of fact before I had Vivien I thought co-sleeping was creepy but after having Vivien I couldn't see why anyone wouldn't co-sleep. Our families thought we were freaks. As Jim said "I was never allowed in my parents 'secret do it room.' But we never had any problems getting them in their own beds or finding time to have sex. We just didn't do it in our room at night. Our children aren't needy or clingy. Quite the opposite. I personally don't think there is one right way to raise children or that everyone should sleep with their kids. It's what worked for us. I believe good people raise good people. 

In 2003 my mother got very ill with cancer soon after Max was born, she went through numerous surgeries, chemo and radiation. So the children grew up seeing my mom very sick and Max thought she looked like a skeleton, he would run his finger along the cuts on her neck over and over. The children and I stayed out there. Max became rather preoccupied with skeletons in general.  Vivien who was 4 by then would say to my mom, "I remember when you looked normal." It was the most difficult period in my life. But my mother slowly got better and in 2004 I started writing freelance. I also started running more art and music shows at Big Car.

It was a gradual process the way the children and I have become more independent of each other. I think that must be what parenting is, this constant process of them letting go and you letting go but never completely. And I suspect I'll always need them more than they need me.